How to fix your relationship

HIGHLIGHTS

• Try these simple tactics to make your relationship stronger.
• Do anything other than spending time on your phones, tablets and computers.

How to fix your relationship (Getty Images)

Think your relationship with your partner is stuck in a rut? Here are five simple tricks to strengthen your equation with each other. When you and your girl first met, it was electric. And it was easy: you wanted to be around each other all the time, couldn't keep your hands to yourself and you found yourself, smiling in your cubicle as you read her latest text (or sext).

But, time goes on. You have your first fight. You have trouble in the bedroom or you struggle to communicate how you feel. While fighting is absolutely normal in a relationship, if you're feeling like you've started to lose some of the lustre you both had for one another -don't let it overwhelm or defeat you. In fact, many relationship experts agree that while deal-breaking type of issues (like one of you wants kids and the other doesn't) aren't as easy to over come, other problems can work themselves out. So no need to drag out a conversation or bring out those skeletons in the closet. Instead try these simple tactics to make your relationship stronger:

HAVE A `HIGH-LOW' CONVERSATION
She left the entire contents of her closet on the floor before heading off to work and you come home to a mess. She drank too much wine and picked a fight via iMessage and you just can't let it go -we all have grievances in relationships. And while neither of you is perfect, a perfect way to remember those things you really love about each other is talking about them. Relationship expert and therapist Dr. Karin Anderson Abrell says having a highlow conversation will get you back on track. "Take turns sharing something you love about your relationship and actually revel in the memory of the high," she says. "Then move to the `low' something in your relationship that you'd like to improve. Take time to discuss and strategise ways that you can address the issue."

GO 'OFF THE GRID'
Even if you're in a monogamous relationship, chances are you actually aren't. You're both fondling your iPhones far more often than you're touching one another.Abrell says by stepping away from technology for a weekend (or OK -just a day if you can't make it) -will help you reconnect."Many couples engage in way too much screen time. Commit to going `off the grid' for a weekend," she says. "Take a trip away or just stay home without texting, emailing, tweeting and posting. Do anything other than spending time on your phones, tablets and computers!"

ASK MORE QUESTIONS

Have you taken time to get to know the woman you sleep next to every night? Abrell says it's time to go back to school: "It's time to `study' each other! Read chapters in relationship books together and discuss. Buy question books and ask each other to respond. You'll be amazed at what you'll learn and how much closer you become."

SEND INTIMATE SMS-ES

While you and your girl may have exchanged steamy messages in the early days of your torrid courtship, over time, your curiosity and passion may wane. Author and communication and intimacy expert, Sandra LaMorgese, PhD, says rebuilding the anticipation throughout the day will have you both looking forward to action after dusk. "A good way to keep your relationship dynamic and exciting is to remember that the steamiest seduction begins long before you lay a hand on your partner. Send your partner spicy little texts throughout the day," she says.

SAY `THANK YOU'

Relationship expert Dr. Jane Greer believes that expressing gratitude is just as important as expressing love. In fact, gratitude is a form of love. "Your partner might not be doing monumental things: cooking dinner, folding and putting away the laundry, making the morning coffee, keeping the apartment clean, but they do matter to you, don't they?" she asks. "Remember to thank your partner instead of just expecting household chores to be done and, often times, taking them for granted."

7 ways to manage your anger

 

7 ways to manage your anger (Thinkstock photos/Getty Images)

Got a bad reputation of blow your fuse? Here are some ways to manage your anger.

Whether it's a nasty boss, petty fights with annoying co-passengers in the train, rash drivers on the road or kids driving you up the wall — you often tend to lose your cool. It's normal to be angry in such situations, but make sure it doesn't become a pattern. This spiraling burst of temper can damage your interpersonal relationships and is bad for your health, too. Read on to control the rage:

Take deep breaths

Instead of jumping the gun to react to an allegation or argument, stay calm. Deep breaths will help diffuse an immediate outburst. You can also count till 10. It may sound childish, but it works.

Think before you talk

Often we tend to say vicious things in the heat of the moment. In the bargain, we either get into more trouble and/or regret our actions. Think what you want to say and whether you should at all say it or not, rather than just randomly blurting out.

Blow steam at the gym

Working out is a great way to release pent-up frustration and stress. When you indulge in some vigorous physical activity, happy hormones such as serotonin and endorphin are released in the body. Other benefits include a fit body and better health.

Take a break

Are you known for having a nasty temper? It's best if you don't plunge into a heated discussion. Of course, that doesn't mean you bear it. Take a small break, go out for a quick walk, drink some cold water or wash your face. And then, when the other person and you have cooled down, go ahead and make your point.

Sleep well

Sleep deprivation can lead us to become cranky, irritable, have mood swings, poor concentration and low tolerance for stress. So, if you haven't been getting enough sleep for a while now, it's time to alter your daily schedule such that you can get a good eight hours of sleep.

Cheer up

Sometimes, even after we have indulged in a verbal duel, we tend to brood over the situation. And this ruins the rest of the day. To avoid this, divert your mind and cheer up. Listen to your favourite music, watch funny videos or read jokes on the internet, play games on your computer or your phone. Even eating something good might lift your mood.

Practise relaxation techniques

Meditation and yoga are highly recommended to those with anger-management issues. If these ain't your thing, trying writing a dairy/journal.

How to Stop Your Pain with Your Mind

chronic pain is not a simple sensation. It is strongly influenced by the ways in which the brain processes the pain signals. In fact, chronic pain can provoke strong emotional reactions, such as fear, anxiety, or even terror, depending on what the individual believes about his or her pain signals.

• See Chronic Pain as a Disease: Why Does it Still Hurt?

Deep breathing and relaxation are a good place to start to take hold of your chronic pain. 
See 11 Chronic Pain Control Techniques

If there is any good news about chronic pain, it is that, to a certain extent, the brain can learn how to manage and decrease the sensation of pain using a combination of deep focus, breathing, and imagery techniques.

• See Pain Management for Chronic Back Pain

Simple breathing and relaxation

First, you will need to get relaxed. To practice a relaxation exercise, you must first set aside some time when you know you will not be disturbed.

• Put yourself in a relaxed, reclining position in a dark room. Either shut your eyes or focus on a single point. Be sure your position is comfortable.
• See Pillow Support and Comfort
• Slow down your breathing by doing the following: Breathe in deeply through your nose, using your chest to pull the air into your stomach, while slowly counting to 10. Exhale slowly through your mouth, while pursing your lips, for a count of 10.
• After you feel yourself relaxing, begin using imagery techniques.

Once you are relaxed, use the following effective imagery techniques to help control your chronic pain.

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Altered focus

This powerful technique involves focusing your attention on any specific non-painful part of the body (hand, foot, etc.) and altering sensation in that part of the body. For example, imagine your hand warming up. This will take the mind away from focusing on the source of your pain.

• See Opening and Closing the Pain Gates for Chronic Pain

Reducing the ball of pain

This technique, also very powerful, is imagining. your pain as a colored ball (choose a color that might be a stress color for you, like red). Each time you breathe in, and then exhale, imagine the "ball" of pain becoming smaller and gradually changing color to a more relaxing hue (e.g. for many people this might be green or blue). Similarly, you may then wish to imagine a soothing and cooling ice pack (or hot pack) being placed onto the area of pain. Choose images that are relaxing and pain-relieving for you. They will not be the same for everyone.

Transfer of sensation

Use your mind to produce altered sensations—such as heat, cold, or anesthetic—in a non-painful hand, and place the hand on the painful area. Envision transferring this pleasant, altered sensation into the painful area.

• See Pain Signals to the Brain from the Spine

Pain movement

Mentally move your pain from one area of your body to another where you think the pain will be easier for you to handle. If you can't take another minute of your leg pain, for example, mentally move the pain up from your leg and into your lower back. Or you can move your pain out of your body and into the air. This also works using the ball of pain technique. You can mentally move the ball of pain outside of your body.

These techniques take practice to become effective for managing chronic pain. Before trying the imagery technique, practice the simple breathing and relaxation exercise for a week or two (until mastered). Once you can achieve deep relaxation consistently, add in the imagery exercises.

• See Modern Ideas: The Gate Control Theory of Chronic Pain

Involve yourself in these pain coping strategies for about 30 minutes 3 times per week. With practice, you will find that your power over the pain will increase, and it will take less mental energy to achieve more pain relief. You may also consider asking a mental health professional with expertise in pain management for help.